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Assassins (1995)

Okay, two things first:

  • If Sylvester Stallone is in a movie, I’m going to watch it. I know, I know! He hasn’t made a half-way decent movie since 1997’s Cop Land, but I cannot resist. I think I hope that with each new movie he makes he’ll re-capture the brilliance of a tortured John Rambo, or the pathos of Rocky Balboa. Look, I know this is impossible, and yet, I dream.
  • It wasn’t until half-way through the, MY GOD 132 MINUTES, of Assassins that I realized I wasn’t watching The Specialist. Where’s Sharon Stone? Oh.

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Altar (2014)

I think Netflix was invented to distribute mediocre movies to the masses. Altar is one such movie.

Starring Matthew Modine and Olivia Williams the premise seems promising enough; a family of four moves to an estate in the English countryside so the wife can restore it to its previous glory for an absentee owner. Obviously the house is haunted and the family has issues, namely the husband is an artist. Artists; so tortured, so disturbed. Also, Olivia Williams’ character has a weird penis-shaped haircut that is really distracting. Read More…

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